(You’ve reached Jessa. I would never listen to a voicemail but if you insist on trying…)
“Oh, hello… you fucker! Are you kidding me? Where did you go? And who am I supposed to talk to if you won’t answer your fucking phone? Okay? That anorexic Marnie? Fucking Shoshanna? Or my stalker ex-boyfriend? It’s not like any of them want to talk to me. I don’t blame them because I cut off all my fucking hair! And now you’re off somewhere just living it up wearing a crop top. You probably got your vagina pierced and you’re not answering your phone and you’re forgetting about everyone who’s fucking it up here! So I hope you’re having a great time! Love you!”